Lately I just realized that my post didn’t make any sense with the objectives of the establishment of this blog. Yeah frankly, I still can’t write and published posts which related to Tarbiyyah and purifying the heart.
What does it mean?
Simplest answer would be: my heart still full of black dots. I still can’t find my way. Stumbled in the middle of the road, looking for hands for guidance, and barely gasping the fresh air of Islam.
Menulislah kerana Allah… Am I doing that? Confused…or I just keep on writing to ensure my blog updated?
Hmm… I’m still finding the white dots. The dots which bring the Bless of Allah into my life.
It’s difficult to explain. People might see me as I am, but they can’t dive into my feelings. The feelings which full of black dots. The feelings which driven me to become who I am right now. At this moment. The feelings which reflected my writings.
I’ve lost while sailing in the black ocean. I’ve drowned without being able to reach and hold to the string of Allah..
Maybe this is the screening process from Allah?
Am I the one who supposedly being left alone?
Am I the one who caused the Da’wah moving slowly? Is it because of me?
Am I the one who bring fitnah to Islam?
If that so, now I’m so guilty..
Oo Allah, guide me… please hold my hand.